So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
