Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
