You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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