NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Randomize
