why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
Randomize
