You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Randomize
