Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
