I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Randomize
