What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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