My cat gives me a boner
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
