i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
