Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
