Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
