i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I AM VODKA MAN
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
