So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
