You really coming over, don't trick.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
