Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize
