At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
