My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
