So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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