The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Randomize
