I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
