That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
