During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
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