And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Randomize
