I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
