i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Randomize
