you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
