I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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