I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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