I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
Randomize
