I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
