I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
