I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
