She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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