i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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