she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
i love rice pilaf. whoever invented that i would give them a hug.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
