You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
He passed out mid-signature
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Randomize
