you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
