It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Well see how he likes it when I randomly start crying and saying my dads name during sex I WILL RUIN ALL HIS FUTURE BONERS
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
