I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
