I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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