Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
Sorry my hands just texted you
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
