Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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