Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
