i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
