my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Randomize
