I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
