i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
