Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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