We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
