He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
heey were did you guys go? last time i remember seeing you i was throwing up in the fountain
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
