were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
